Jun 232018

Congratulations to Justin Kennedy who plays his 250th game this weekend!

Below are words from fellow team mates (who needs enemies when you have these blokes hanging around you).

Words by Clayton Parks

The JerK

Wow! How a bloke has amassed 250 appearances, and is yet to have a good game – I will never understand. But, here we all are, ignoring the obvious, to congratulate him on turning up frequently enough and somewhat on time at a variety of outdoor locations. Without ever training. The JK, as The JK likes to be known and oft-refers to himself as, is a mysterious operator. He has only ever seen wearing active wear (it makes his calves look good, apparently). Has to be one of the most sent off Rangers in history. In addition, is the only ever victim of the brutal (self-titled) act of ‘chicken-winging’.

The JK never fails to at least entertain.

Whether it’s crunching opposition players for daring to be upright. Or crunching his own teammates in the warm-up for daring to be anywhere near him. It’s needless to say something or someone is going to get crunched…

And occasionally, The JK might use those crunching powers for good and pop-up with the odd goal too. More trusty in the air (or on the ground, for that matter) then Chris Zotti, his no-nonsense and bustling approach in the front half of the pitch has been known to translate into the odd net ripple.

But, for a bloke that has spent so much time in front of the mirror, you’d think he might’ve practiced how to actually manipulate his face after converting ball into goal. His deadpan, dead-faced, emotionless face sits atop his frame as he runs around in a few circles looking like he’s carrying invisible suitcases, making eye contact with all around him in the process… It’s weird.

Still, for all of his (many) flaws, there is probably not a more ferocious competitor or better man marker at the club. Even when he turns up on a Saturday after having already done an F45 session (it makes his calves look good, apparently), or with a raging hangover (or undoubtedly a combination of both), he goes about his business with a fierce determination to not only win, but win well and win making sure that the opposite team remember long after the final whistle has sounded that they’ve come up against The Unley Rangers…

Go well, you massive creep show. Nobody seems to know how old you are exactly (old old) but bugger it, here is to another 250!

– Parksy

Words by Ben Green

Blessed with Benjamin Button qualities and an incredible ability to play whilst extremely hungover (230-240 times of 250 you’d say Justin???), Kenner’s can be seen despite this on any given Saturday completely demoralising his opponents.

Justin is a rare breed, he is…a….KENNEDY!!!….as he likes to say, amongst the obligatory ‘I…will destroy you’ ‘you will be my bitch…no you are my bitch’ (Insert Justin laugh) and the customary ‘what up birches’. All this and more will often be heard bellowing from the man with the same self-assurance that allows his team to know that he is there ready to mop up.

Now Justin hasn’t always been a defensive enforcer, he was a once a dogged midfielder that thrived on crunching tackles (some of the best I have ever seen), the turnover and returning to the attack, something we have all appreciated at Unley for years.

There is however more to Justin’s game than just doubling for Seacrest. This man actually has a talent….if you have ever been lucky enough to see Kenner’s score a goal (he will tell definitely you about them if you like) you will have seen the creepy, stunned mullet I don’t know what to do celebration that occurs each time….it’s gross! And I know I’m not alone in my thoughts that it is quite possibly the worst display post goal out there. Unfortunately, I have witnessed this far too many times than I would have liked, look for it next time if you dare but beware it’s kinda like watching Borat in one of ‘those’ scenes….

When he’s not yelling at you on the pitch (it’s great with him and Zotti this year…) Kenner’s is actually a fantastic bloke with a big heart and is a shining example of the Ranger spirit. Despite the banter above, I know he has personally had a positive and infectious effect on many around the club who have wanted to play with, or be coached by him over the years (Will tell you he is a mastermind).

A true Unley Legend and the only man I know that does F45 pre game, it’s been an absolute pleasure to play alongside and witness him cruise to 250 games for the club, whilst expanding his family and friends in the process.

Well done mate!

Ladz lets get around the biggest ‘birrrch’ of all this Saturday for the win!
Amusing fact: substitute ‘Kenners’ into Chuck Norris jokes….it’s rather humorous lol

– Greeny

Words by Chris Zotti

Ryan Seacrest.

I have had the pleasure to coach and play with the tank that is Justin Kennedy! I still remember the first time I met Kenners, I was in the old change rooms at Ranger Park when in walked Kenners, with what I thought was his 30 year old brother…turns out it was his son. I guess prophylactics didn’t exist in the 80’s.

Our early playing days were enjoyable and one year a back four of Yoichi, John McQueen, Kenners and I (oldest back 4 in history) only conceded 11 and we won the title. Good times and great memories!! Kenners was also a great bloke to coach…gave 100% on the field and was always willing to help at trainings.

However, it was all downhill from there…when I realised this chiselled jawed, really, really, really ridiculously good looking Adonis was actually a jerk!

Kenners now spends his playing days heckling me, Greeny, Parksy, Porter or anyone else he feels to the need to berate. His mouth now runs faster than his legs.

Kenners has been a stalwart at centre back and defensive mid for the club for 250 games and I’ve lost count of the amount of last ditch sliding tackles he has made. He is ferocious at the contest and he never takes a backward step! Pretty sure he has never scored a goal with his feet, but he does know how to score with his head! He has literally won countless games off his own back, carrying his team mates with his never give up attitude. A great bloke on and off the field and I’m glad to be on park with you this Saturday for your 250th!

The best 250 games ever…nothing to do with Kenners…just enjoyed seeing Bec in her active wear 250 times.

Go shit on the weekend jerk!

– Zotti

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