Aug 242018

Congratulations to Clayton Parks who plays his 150th game this weekend!

Words by Justin Kennedy

Well I can’t comment too much about his playing ability due to me playing with plebs in the lower divisions and him playing consistently at the top but I can say that his small stature is definitely compensated by his ability to play football. His girlfriend however says there’s nothing that can compensate for his lack of stature downstairs but he’s the only guy who wants to talk about the hot topics in the latest Dolly magazine.

Unfortunately father time (but more just being a lazy bitch) has seen him come down to Plebsville with me in division 4. I thought Clayton complained a lot but this season he has blown it out of the water. It has been almost comical to watch him make runs to space, anticipate the ball’s direction, but only to find an utter shit pass that misses him by several metres. His typical reaction is to flicks his head up to the sky and curse to himself, “What the fuck am I dealing with!” I’ve enjoyed being the person who’s passed several of those shit balls.

Even with those terrible balls he’s been able to do something pretty special which either ends up with him scoring or making a play which results in a goal. His passion to win is unquestionable and the effort he gives on the pitch is commendable.

Well done on 150 games Clay Clay and all the best for your 150th. It’s been bloody great to play my last season with you and the rest of the dickheads in div 4. Hopefully you get some better passes this weekend with the 1s.

Words by Steve Pipicella
Redbeard’s football career goes back quite the ways and he’s covered quite a bit of ground. From the tri-weekly trips to the backwaters of AA Bailey Reserve to the annual trip for the grand football experience at Ram Park down at Elizabeth (and that was solely as a junior when a bloke tried to stab him that one time. Who else would lip up a bloke with a lisp about the word Mississippi). Career path was on the up. It bloomed as he was captain of the u/15s at the foxes den and miraculously led us to a cup final (which was solely down to the works of one Simon Ortlepp) which we lost. And got yelled at. Thanks.

Since those heady junior footballing days of our mid-teens, Parksy has completed the transition from wannabe Backstreet Boy to Drake impersonator (I still don’t know who that is) with relative ease. Now consistently busting tunes out of his black Jeep like he’s being announced on to an NBA court, big red has come almost come full circle. From here, to complete the dream, he just needs every pair of his trousers to have the knees cut ou…. Oh wait…

Despite having less goals than Justin Kennedy this season, the big red has made his name as a centre forward of recent times. Clearly the fittest bloke in the Div. 4s (rock solid contest that one), he’s enjoyed the fruits of playing with his mates this year and not being unnecessarily dragged and yelled at on a weekly basis like his last coach. He hate(d)(s) that guy. Alas, despite the obvious obstacles, Mr Haircut notches up 150 games in his 11th season of donning the double blue, including a memorable performance (probably his best) in the 2008 cup final, where actually tackled a guy (I saw it from the bench). Knuckling 34 goals along the way (still haven’t seen a toey…. Benjamin) and over half his game in the top grade, this bloke is an actual footballer and has been a proper asset to the Rangers over the journey. Exemplified by having the ability/fitness/yap to roll the clock back and lace up for the 1s this week and help out illustrates how good he’s still going.

He’s actually not a bad bloke to have a beer with… But you probably won’t need to tell him that, coz I reckon he’s told you already.

  One Response to “Clayton Parks – 150 Games”

  1. Great banter lads … but can he step up for old time’s sake Sat ?

    My money’s on ‘without breaking a sweat’ … wouldn’t have picked him otherwise.

    Happy 150th Clayton – lazy 3-4 ta 😉

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